i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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