last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
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you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
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2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
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