You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
