Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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