Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
