Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
