So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
