Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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