Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
