I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
