Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm just crazy horny about you
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize