Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
