i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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