I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
