I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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