I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
