Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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