So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
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I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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