God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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