smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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