he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
