You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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