I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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