the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
