they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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