I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
