ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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