Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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