There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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