I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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