did you get engaged???
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
