I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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