do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm getting married
To pizza
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
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