You made me cry and you don't even care
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
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If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
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And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
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