Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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