dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
