i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
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if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
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i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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