Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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