I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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