I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
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We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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