girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
