drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
