I just cut my nipple shaving
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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