You're a womanizer and a bitch.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
