I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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