He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
