The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
