Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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