This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
