i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Soap is not a condiment
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize