I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
