That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
