nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
