You just made me feel so damn special
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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