There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
