I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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