I just pynch a tree in the face
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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