You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
