I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
