Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
