Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
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