How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
