So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
